What Should You Do?

November 1, 2009

Life without change is depressing, and life with major change is depressing. Perhaps that’s why the “should I leave or should I stay phase” is, well…so depressing. While this insight may not make you chuckle, if you can step back and explore your situation from many perspectives, you just might be able find a better way.

Think about it. If you are in an unsatisfying relationship, how do you feel about never getting out? Bet I know the answer. If you are in an abusive situation, you know for safety’s sake you need out, yet the security of sameness often trumps the wisdom of escape. Why? Big change is scary and well…depressing.

So what’s a person to do?

Positive psychology is teaching us it’s all about perspectives. Since it’s a rainy Sunday, and I’m a coach with an extra hour thanks to daylight savings, I’ve come up with a simple exercise for you, if you are brave enough. (No rationalizations please, just feelings.)

Relax, breathe.. .

  • Envision staying, how does that feel?
  • Now envision getting out and into a new life, how does that feel?
  • Keep breathing … envision yourself 10 years down the road:

  • You’ve stayed. How does that look?
  • You left, how is that?
  • Which feels better? You just might have found your answer, and that can bring relief.

    Happy rainy Sunday!

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    2 Responses to “What Should You Do?”

    1. Retta Says:

      Okay after years of contemplation I’m leaving for real. Or should I say I left and I’m leaving at the same time. I went to brilliant exists once. I learned a lot but was still scared to leave. Why? Because I wanted to have hope. I didn’t want to be a failure in a second marriage. I’ve stayed 25 years too long. It is really sad when I think of 25 years of misery – that doesn’t count the 4 years of misery in my first marriage. We’ve been separated now since September. Each day I get a little stronger. I’ve lost so much. But I still have a future and I’m going to claim it. Before I die Joy will be mine.


      • So glad you are getting stronger each day! If it makes you feel better, stats show 2nd marriages have a much higher divorce rate than the first time around. And leaving is scary no matter what your situation.

        Be extra good to yourself, and remember you are very couragous to exit and deserve a life of Joy!

        Keep me posted. Wishing you the best..


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