Tips for Fair Fighting

June 30, 2010

A fair fight you ask? The first time I heard that expression I thought it was an oxymoron. Having been raised to avoid conflict at all cost, the phrase also made my gut twinge. I couldn’t imagine such a concept.

New studies show that kids actually benefit from watching their parents argue … as long as they see their parents end it with a healthy resolution. This teaches kids conflict is not the end of the world and they learn skills they can model.

According to experts, staying focused, good listening skills, assertiveness, and knowing yourself (and your emotions) are all crucial to conflict resolution. To quote an excerpt from an About.com article on Conflict Resolution Skills for Healthy Relationships:

An important component of conflict resolution involves only you — knowing how you feel and why you feel that way. It may seem you’re your feelings should already be obvious to you, but this isn’t always the case. Sometimes we feel angry or resentful, but don’t know why. Other times, we feel that the other person isn’t doing what they ‘should,’ but we aren’t aware of exactly what we want from them, or if it’s even reasonable.

And how do you get to know yourself? Journaling, therapy or working with a coach are all good ways. Enjoy your inner journey and remember to keep your eye on the prize!

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