What to Tell Your Kids

July 8, 2010

According to Rosalind Sedaccoa, who 4 years ago established July as National Child-Centered Divorce Month, children should never shoulder the burden of divorce. Yet it happens all the time as many adults, from parents to attorneys to friends and Judges, simply don’t know what to do or say.

That’s why Ms. Sedaccoa’s goal each July is drawing attention to what adults can do to make divorce easier on kids. And how do you do that?  Rosalind recommends telling your children:

  • It’s not your fault.
  • This is about Change, not blame.
  • There is still love in our family, it’s just how we live that will change.
  • You will be safe.
  • You will always have a home to live in, food, go to school and see your friends.
  • Mom and Dad will always love you.

Kids need to know things are going to be okay and that each parent will continue to take care of them, love them, and be in their life. Because kids often blame themselves, you and your 2bx need to repeat these points often.

And whatever you do, please do not bad mouth their other parent no matter how old, or young, your child is. That will crush your child and unravel all the good work you’ve done with the points above.

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7 Responses to “What to Tell Your Kids”

  1. Suz Says:

    Sharon,

    Well put. I’m still repeating those messages to my kids even two years after we moved into two homes.

    I also think it was important for us to tell the kids that things would be changing as soon as we knew for sure that we were moving toward divorce. Things were changing around them and they were confused. That can be so scary for a child.

    Suz


  2. Thanks for a great post, Sharon. It’s so wonderful to open the doors to conversations like this. We all learn and grow from sharing experiences and challenges. Really appreciate all the great work you’re doing!


  3. Thanks Roz. Hope readers check out your website and subscribe to your helpful free e-newsletter to learn about healthy co-parenting tips and insight.

    It’s great you help families through this transition.

    -Sharon


  4. Appreciate all you’re doing to help spread the word as well. If we can catch parents before they get into the courts and make mistakes they will later regret, we’ll be doing a valuable service to families everywhere!

  5. Sonja Aoun Says:

    Sharon,
    This post was great, especially your parting comment that parents should never, no matter what age the children are, bad-mouth the other parent. Every child needs to be free to love and respect both parents.
    Keep up the good work!


  6. So true! We all need to keep reminding parents about the dangers of putting down the other parent, asking kids to spy on the other parent and other destructive behaviors.


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