So you think you might divorce…

July 29, 2010

Many clients I meet with tell me “I don’t want to get divorced… I just want to get unmarried.” They’ve done lots of soul searching and know their marriage is over, but they don’t want an ugly, expensive, drawn out divorce battle.

They’ll tell me “my spouse is a good person, we just don’t love each other anymore.”  They’ve done couples therapy, perhaps Imago or PAIRS, but it’s still not working and staying together is making both of them miserable.

I”m pro-marriage and hope my daughters achieve the “forever-after” dream”. But for many of us, that’s just not possible and marriage need not be a life-time prison sentence. People and circumstances change and sometimes (half of us in most of the world) find ourselves dealing with divorce.

If you and your spouse can communicate which each other, sit down and divide things up, draw up a co-parenting plan that meets your children’s needs above all, then please work towards a peaceful, amicable divorce.

How do you do that?

  • By keeping “your eye on the prize” and promising each other your money will stay in your family, not be blown away in attorneys fees and court battles. One crucial way to meet that goal is to educate yourself about the process, and if I may put in a plug here, our monthly Second Saturday program offers you just that.
  • Next, you (and your 2bx) need to select an attorney  with what I call a “family friendly” bent. Someone who’s not going to fuel the fire and run up your bill in litigation. Attorneys who have spoken at our programs nearly always encourage people to file a non-contested divorce as filing “on grounds” often does little more than put money in their pockets. And they say that either way you proceed, the results are often the same… you guessed it, non-contested cases save your family a bundle of money needlessly spent by warring couples.

So what is a contested divorce vs an uncontested divorce? For that answer I refer you to family law attorney Sonja Aoun’s blog post today: How Do I know if my divorce is uncontested? It’s an easy read and you’ll be on the road to educating yourself!

Happy to help!

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