OMG … now it’s about … me?

August 26, 2010

On Monday I drove my oldest to the metro to begin her first “real job” in DC. Dressed like a career woman, she looked ready to conquer the world and she was bursting with excitement. As we exchanged small talk, I was remembering her first baby-steps, her first day of kindergarten, and college visits.  Wistfully I blurted out “this is the day we’ve been working toward your whole life”. She looked at me, shrugged her shoulders, and simply said “Yes.” I felt a bit silly being caught in the past while she was relishing her future.

Then, the very next day, I drove my youngest to JMU to begin her first year of college. She was quiet and repeatedly asked “Why did I ever want to go to college .. What was I thinking?”   As we pulled onto campus, she blurted out “take me home .. please.” I reassured her, saying her sister had felt the same way four years earlier.

Fortunately, as we rounded the bend to her dorm, it couldn’t have been more magical. We passed a 40 member flag team twirling away and a U-shaped  band of trumpeters. Next a delightful group of upper class students gleefully welcomed us and within minutes whisked my daughter (and all her belongings) away to her new home. Her bridge to adulthood couldn’t have been more beautiful!

And today? I’m sitting in sadness pondering the rest of my life. I am grateful my daughters are successfully launched, but as a single mom in survival mode for so long I haven’t a clue as to my new future. Having taken it all a step at a time for so long it’s scary suddenly having time be all about me for a change. I’ve been gathering wisdom, “building character” thanks to adversity, but dreams? Wish there was a magical rite of passage for this life-phase.

Suggestions greatly appreciated…


4 Responses to “OMG … now it’s about … me?”

  1. Gaea Says:

    Stop. Enjoy the space and the freedom and the time. Do whatever interests you or makes you happy. Take it easy as you rediscover your sole self. The world is laid out before you.

  2. angela lauria Says:

    So let’s create a magical rite of passage – bet you aren’t alone in wanting one! There are no rules about who gets to create rituals…..

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