Helping Parents Help Kids with Divorce

October 15, 2010

Clients, especially the couples I meet with, are often most concerned about how to best help their children with an impending separation/divorce. If you and your spouse can keep your children’s well-being a goal you’ll be giving your children a wonderful gift, be they age 5 or 30.

Some things to keep in mind are:

  • It’s parental conflict, not divorce that most harms kids.
  • Never put your child in the middle. Even if your child is an adult, s/he will still experience it as being ripped apart.
  • Assure your kids you will always love them.
  • Tell your kids together, as a couple, and be sure to stress they are not getting a divorce from either parent. It’s just mom and dad who are divorcing.
  • If they are minors, it’s important to explain they will still see their friends, go to school and activities, and that they will always have food, shelter and lots of love.
  • Never bad mouth their other parent. Kids know they are half mom and half dad and experience it as you bad-mouthing them.
  • Tell them over, and over, and over again “It’s Not Your Fault.”

The video below does a good job helping parents keep their kids well-being in perspective. is a great (and free) interactive resource to help parents transitioning to co-parents and beyond. Check it out.

Up to Parents  


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