Broken Heart Syndrome

November 21, 2011

According to a newly released nationwide study at the University of Arkansas. women are seven times more likely to suffer from “broken heart syndrome”.  And, it’s tougher on older women.

Broken heart syndrome is real and happens when a sudden shock (such as learning of an affair) or prolonged stress causes heart attack-like symptoms or heart failure. The good news is people rarely die from it.  See article

Surprise: Politicians power + confidence= cockiness

Why Marriages End

December 17, 2010

Thanks Diana. I’ll be sharing this with my clients and others. There’s an additional “turning” factor not often talked about: mental illness. I married my college sweetheart­, after years of courtship worthy of a Guiness Worldbook award, only to have mental illness rear it’s ugly head. It’s been a dreadful journey for my daughters and me thanks to my ex (and his litigious attorney) using the Courts as a vengeful tool. An abuser, hiring a rambo type attorney, can make mincemeat of the family left behind and there is no way to stop it. Well there is one, my money for legal defense has run out … the other side’s strategy from the start.

Frustrated at the (un)justic­e that can prevail I’ve just created the cause Truth-Tell­ing & Family Law Issues on Facebook to collect stories and create change (http://www­­m/causes/5­54711-trut­h-tellers-­family-law­-issues?m=­9be1f0f4&r­ecruiter_i­d=18466969).

As an attorney, do you have any words of wisdom on this issue?

Sharon Zarozny, Founder
Brilliant Exits, LLC
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

So true. My daughters were young when I divorced so my focus was on them, not me. Now, years later I find there are triggers to the grief I never had time to walk through. I tell clients you need to grieve to heal, yet I didn’t follow my own advice because I was trying to present a strong front for my daughters. Amazing how buried feelings never die…

Sharon Zarozny, Founder
Brilliant Exits, LLC

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Lots. Think about it.

Santa is a highly romanticized, protected, commercialized and long-lived tradition merrily handed down from generation to generation. Anyone who exposes Santa and bursts a child’s bubble is considered an old crumungen and definitely a spoil sport. Eventually, however, kids find out the truth and when they do it can be quite tramatic and Christmas is never the same … until they become Santa themselves.

Enter Weddings. The ordinary person’s chance at a day of royal trappings and gifts. It’s a beautiful, romantic, long standing tradition and an idealized bridge into … the reality of day-to-day married life. And anyone trying to temper the love with cautionary tales is well…. a Debbie Downer.

Time passes, the honeymoon ends and daily life challenges the happily-ever-after dream. Some of us luck out and mature into truly loving couples, others are faced with the cruel reality that no matter what we do our dream is shattered.

Here’s hoping your dream stays in tack. If it doesn’t? Please remember Santa was a great concept, but he wasn’t real either.

Would you give your spouse the password to your Facebook site? To save marriages, that’s what a New Jersey pastor will be preaching this  Sunday. Why? Nearly a third of today’s divorces are “internet assisted.”

According to a recent Huffington Post  Digital Drama — Is Facebook to Blame?:

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or been faced with evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites in divorce cases over the last five years.

About one in five adults uses Facebook for flirting, according to a 2008 report by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. And a do-it-yourself divorce site in the United Kingdom, Divorce-Online, reported late last year that the word “Facebook” was appearing in about one in five of the petitions it was handling.

What do you think?

(Oh, and a word to the wise. Lawyers love Facebook. Disable it now if divorce is in your future.)

Impossible... unless s/he takes on the responsibility to make the change you are wishing for. Today I received a heart-wrenching email from a  young man asking me how he can help his girlfriend change so they can save their relationship. He totally loves her and she can’t see it. I had to email back sorry, but unless she chooses to change, there is very little you can do.

Trust me, I know. My therapist was a saint, for nearly a year listening to me and all my attempts to get my then husband to change. I’d grasp at tiny signs telling her “I think I can save our marriage. Things are looking better.” Finally one day she looked me in the eye and said, “What’s it going to take? Is he going to  have to kill you?”  That one stopped me in my tracks.

There’d been all kinds of abuse from physical, to emotional to financial. Yet I was still holding on.  My stance had been it’s not his fault, he’s got a mental illness and if he just gets on meds he’ll once again become the man I thought I’d married. Besides, I wouldn’t leave him if he had brain cancer. I’d agreed to in sickness & health on our wedding day. And we had 2 beautiful daughters I didn’t want to abandon for a full time job, especially since I’d been out of the workforce for quite some time.

But the truth was, I was killing myself trying to pretend that if I only did “xyz” the happily-ever-after dream would become a reality. The stress at home was so bad I developed TMJ, a painful jaw condition that got so debilitating I couldn’t even open my mouth when I tried to order my kids food at McDonalds. My jaw had locked shut. Totally.

Yes, it was a nightmare but I kept looking for every flicker of light. I believed my husband when he said he’d given up his mistress and she was just using their baby as a way to get his money. Divorce simply wasn’t in the cards for me and I believed I could make my marriage work.

The next pearl of wisdom my therapist shared was: I couldn’t save our relationship all by myself. Despite all my efforts, nothing could change unless my husband faced his issues and took on the responsibility to change. I could not do that for him. He was making choices that suited him and making it loud and clear that his needs were way more important than our relationship and family life.

For a few more months I tried to prove my therapist wrong, but in the end she was right.